Do you question your status as a writer? I do…all the time. Why though?

Growing up as a ‘non-creative’ type

I briefly discuss in my first blog that I did not grow up in a creative family. My mum…yes, she was creative, but totally unaware of her potential. She didn’t have the time or inclination to invest in creative pursuits. My parents didn’t encourage or support me or my siblings to explore creative hobbies, it just wasn’t what we did. We were a working class family and spare time was spent grafting for extra money, not making things. I don’t think they pro-actively discouraged us, it just didn’t interest them, they had never gotten joy or fulfilment from doing something creative. From a fairly young age, I put myself in the ‘non-creative’ box and rarely thought about it, until well into my adult years.

Thinking about writers specifically, my parents saw them as people who were so far removed from themselves. Writing a book was something they saw as unattainable and unrealistic for people like ‘us’, and if it wasn’t going to generate fairly immediate and fruitful income, what was the point? 💴

And then there was school, which seemed to be a place where the creative people made themselves known and everybody else was invisible (in the creative subjects), much like the sporty people in PE. Nobody was looking for us quieter, undiscovered creators who had not yet realised our potential, we were lost and overshadowed by our bolder and more self-aware peers. I felt written off, the teachers had limited time and they preferred to invest it in my more obviously artistic peers.

My first step into the creative world

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do after school, but I know I did not give one ounce of consideration to a career in anything remotely creative. I found my way into a career which required 0% creativity, certainly not in an artistic way. I was enjoying my job but I felt like something was missing. I felt sure there was more out there for me.

It didn’t start with writing, it started with a sewing class…I found an ‘Introduction to sewing’ course, where I learnt how to use a sewing machine and make a tote bag. I loved it! That was the start of my creative journey. I initially felt unsure that I fitted into this new world of haberdashery, beautiful fabrics, patchwork, dress patterns, but quickly realised I could teach myself a great deal just by watching YouTube videos and buying a few handy books. I found myself wondering how it took me so long to start 🧵.

Finding my way to writing

Fast forward 10 years and many tote bags later, I still love to sew but again, I started to feel like something was missing. I enjoy reading but found myself struggling to find stories that grabbed my attention, they didn’t offer a world that I wanted to explore or spend time in. And then it occurred to me, I am trying to find the perfect story, characters and place, which already exists in my own mind. It probably isn’t out there because it’s right there in my own imagination. The penny finally dropped – why don’t I just write my own novel?!

The adventure begins – finding the Writing Rabbit Hole

And there it was, my next creative adventure. I hesitated for a slow second before diving head first into the Writing Rabbit Hole. Is the word ‘adventure’ over-the-top? I don’t think so. This is scary and overwhelming, but also exciting and fun. If it doesn’t feel enjoyable, at least some of the time, it probably won’t work out, certainly not for me. Maybe it’s different for those who have only ever really known a vocation in writing or some other artistry, but for me, I’m trying to find my way out of a career that feels somewhat boring. I’m battling repressed creativity.

I love living in the world of my protagonist Martha when I’m writing, and I’m learning to be flexible and adaptable, altering ideas, reflecting and applying my learning as I go.

Keeping my writing aspirations a secret

Nobody knows I’m writing a book! So of course, nobody knows I write this blog either🤫. I just can’t bring myself to tell anyone. I feel like they’ll laugh at me, question why I would do this, or suggest I can’t do it. I ask myself why it matters what they think, but it does matter to me. I still haven’t fully worked out why.

Trust and belief in myself 📑

I have concluded that I trust my gut and I believe in myself, but I’m not ready to justify that to other people. The book will do that for me one day…I almost add in ‘I hope’ here but I resist (it is not needed).

I love the small town setting that I have created for my protagonist Martha, I love Martha, and I love Martha’s friends. I am slowly creating a plot that is unfolding perfectly. There is still a lot to learn and I may be on blog 500 before the book is finished 😆, but it doesn’t matter, my book is happening 📖.

Your journey into the Writing Rabbit Hole

Are you secretly writing a book or do you tell your friends and family? Do you question your value in the writing world like me? Please share your thoughts on this topic in the comments, I’d love to hear from other aspiring writers 📝. Have you been creatively repressed? And if you have, how are you fighting back now? It doesn’t matter where you come from, you can write if you want to, don’t let anyone tell you different!

Please reach out and like this post or subscribe, if you enjoy finding your way through the Writing Rabbit Hole with me 😍.

Tabitha 💟